It is already the 20th of September, and I should be getting better after having taken the increased thyroid dosage for 20 days. Unfortunately, it is not meant to be… If I call the doctor, I know he will tell me to wait until the end of the month. But – I am tired of waiting.
Guido is helping a lot, and without him I would not be able to cook at all. I was quite upset today when I went to the trash and almost threw one of my gloves there, and as I was telling Guido about it, I threw the other one in! Then, I asked him to help me find the cheese in the refrigerator because I had looked all over and could not find it. He looked and could not find it either – I had already taken it out a few seconds before. These are only two minor incidents among all the ones that are happening to me daily.
I get worried, and Guido tries to comfort me and he tells me not to worry too much, that it is not a big deal. I wonder when I will have enough energy to go the grocery store. I have many helpers –Guido, Ludy, R, Peapod. Safeway, but it is not the same giving them a list. If I go I don’t need a list. I know what to buy when I see it! It is driving me crazy!
Valeria will be here on Friday, and I know she will be cooking for us, as she always does. It will be a relief, but not enough. We do need to start thinking seriously about moving to San Francisco to be close to our daughters. My health is becoming worse rather than better, and although I am still hopeful that it will get better eventually, it is taking much longer than I had expected. If it were up to me, I would move now.
I don’t want to pass on my pessimism on to anyone who reads this, but I cannot pretend to be optimistic at this moment. I am not! And I need to record it.