Evening on a Sunday, any Sunday, but not really. It is a specific Sunday, the 20th of March 2011, and I am still in limbo – literally. I surprise myself by the few things I manage to do, but when I have to ask what our area code is, I begin to be scared – or take it as a joke, if that is possible. And I am being selfish, I know, but if I don’t write about myself some people think I am feeling fine. Others complain because they want to know how I feel. Cannot please everybody!
After having had my two arms drained (my veins are rolling, and the poor nurse had a hard time getting all the blood she needed from one arm and had to go to the other one as well), I realized it was the first day I had gone out of the house in two weeks. And it wasn’t even the right day. I was supposed to go on Thursday but had to wait until Friday to have the strength to get out of bed.
And this will go on until they find the right thyroid medication dosage, and the right calcium (which they probably already found – see message I sent to a few), and the right adrenal support and, above all, as far as I am concerned, the right whatever to make me sleep well. It all boils down to those few but constant problems.
As I told some who still don’t get it, doctors do even more tests because they refuse to admit that what I have is due to the above mentioned problems. Once they are fixed, or made to work better, I shall be better too. They already know what I do not have, but they continue to wonder “what if”, and make me waste time, which I really don’t because I ignore some of the tests they have recommended. I know how I feel. I know what I have.
Just a few days ago they sent me a draft of a paper regarding how it’s all about corporate greed, and how a giant corporation can interfere with your doctor’s recommendations for you. And how all of these things can conspire to allow an entire industry to get away with murder. I have read it, and now I have to give them my feedback, but let me tell you — the whole world should read this!
And when one of those huge pharmaceutical corporations was fined in the millions for misrepresenting their products and having people be maimed or die not long ago – what happened? They gladly paid the fine and continued poisoning us! I am happy my current doctor is very careful about what he prescribes, and it is mostly vitamins and supplements. The big pharmas have not got to him yet – he is too young.
When I go to other doctors’ consulting offices and see the men and women lounging about carrying huge briefcases and even rolling suitcases full of garbage to give the doctors – free samples and vacation packages, I feel like kicking them. I saw one of them on Friday in that huge medical center, with all kinds of physicians. I almost grabbed the guy, or at least wanted to make him trip, but Guido held me back.
They are playing with our health, and there are hundreds, if not thousands of war veterans who are being disregarded. Naturally, they are not the ones who can pay, so they are dispensable. And who sent them to the war? They are the ones who were forced to go because it was the only way out of their environment, and they could not afford to go to college otherwise. Do the sons of the rich fight in those wars??? This is a country where too many people do not have access to medical care, a country that claims to be the richest – but not a caring one at all! I hope you have seen Michael Moore’s Sicko. And it is getting worse, not better!
This may not be appreciated by those who are healthy. They cannot know what it is like! And even those who are sick want to believe their physicians. As Ann Landers used to say, some doctors graduated at the very bottom of their class, and they are still out there! Hope you don’t have to deal with any of those. We have known our share of them. For four years Guido was very sick. He is somewhat better now, thanks to a holistic doctor. Still, he is not well and neither am I. You don’t want to be in this household, I assure you. And if I prefer not to see anybody, do not be offended. I had a couple of days when I could, and Jean-Paul and Ludy came by, but not everybody remembered… Now I am back to not seeing anybody.
I want out. I want out of this house. I want out of this area, even though Newsweek is predicting a huge earthquake for the city of San Francisco. As they report, “There are in consequence a lot of thoughtful people in the American West who are very nervous indeed—wondering, as they often must do, whether the consent that permits them to inhabit so pleasant a place might be about to be withdrawn, sooner than they have supposed”.
Oh, well. Let us live for the moment. That’s all we can do. I only wish the “moment” were somewhere else, especially San Francisco! Just get me better to go there, that’s all I ask!