I Told You I Was Sick!

I am sick.

I am sick of being sick.

I am sick of being told I am not that sick.

I am sick of doctors telling me I am depressed and giving me anti depressants — six so far.  None worked. They made me worse.

I am sick of being in bed, tired, not able to do much but sleep, read, and listen to music. Even when friends call it is not easy to talk. I get tired. But I do appreciate phone calls!

I am sick of people urging me to get up and walk. I am not Lazarus. They may mean well, but I simply cannot do it. My body, not my mind, is not responding.

Soon, this is what they will all see:


About martisima

After over 50 years of teaching literature to undergraduate and graduate students, I feel I have earned my retirement (it happened when I was 72, five years ago). I do miss the classroom, however, but not the meetings and all other requirements of the profession. I love teaching, and wish I could still do it. But now I read for pleasure, and watch films, and listen to all kinds of music (no TV, though). I love to travel, and hope I can resume doing it soon. I need to get over my health issues caused by thyroid surgery three years ago!
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4 Responses to I Told You I Was Sick!

  1. Anna Amato says:

    and sick of people saying ‘but you don’t look sick’ how is sick supposed to look?

  2. martisima says:

    Definitely, Anna. Many say that. Remember the blog way back on precisely this issue? Thanks!!!

  3. Kathleen McLaughlin says:


    I saw this to a lady come out of the disabled stall in the ladies room. I first asked her if she was disabled. She said no. I told her they were for disabled people. Even though I had a cane at my side, she looked me up and down and said I looked young and healthy. I told her 80% of all disabilities are invisible. Then she said, and I kid you not, well, you still look young and healthy. One must simply shake their head and wag their finger.


  4. martisima says:

    Yes, Kat. We all look young and healthy to people who do not respect our spaces. I used to get dirty looks when I got out of my car. I could walk! Why did I have a handicap hang tag? Now I don’t drive, but my husband does, and it’s the same story… We gain nothing by telling them. They will never understand … unless something happens to them and they are the ones who need a handicapped space and cannot get it because some dumb ass has parked there!

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