Personal Thoughts on Effects of Illness

Yesterday I posted someone else’s thoughts.  They were incredibly close to mine and better expressed, even if they referred to a different illness.  Some have written to tell me that now they understand much better how I feel.

Now I want to add a few personal thoughts.

1. I am not allowed to drive. This hinders my movements enormously and it is extremely frustrating! I have to rely on others driving me. It upsets me a lot. Guido cannot do it all the time. Please remember he is still not completely well. For four years I had to drive him everywhere when he was really sick. He is better now, but not completely well. Friends do not have the time to drive me around, especially during the week, so I rely on the Internet for lots of stuff.  Still, I would prefer to go and get things on my own. When people try to help and get things for me it usually happens that they don’t buy the right stuff.  It is not their fault.  I admit that we are too fussy about food.  Therefore, I can’t ask others to buy things for me. Sorry, but that’s the way it is!

2. Do remember that we do not have the support of family here. Guido’s relatives are in Italy. Mine are in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Our two daughters live in San Francisco. They come here as often as their work allows, which is not too frequently, and they can only stay for a few days.  We are not well enough to travel there. Eventually, we will move to SF to be close to them. They are the only family we have here. Our best friends are not around us any longer. We are quite lonely.  And after over two years of my being sick, the ones who were somewhat close have given up.  Not that I blame them, but it happened.

3.  As also stated in the previous blog, I cannot make commitments. If someone wants to drive me somewhere, I may have to cancel at the last minute. Therefore, I prefer not to ask too many for help, only those (actually one) who understand if I call at the last minute to say I cannot go. And even then I feel guilty about it…

4. I know some want to visit. I would love to have you over, but I know I’ll feel awful because I cannot offer you even a glass of water. Now you know why I have not accepted your requests for visits. When I get better things will be different. I keep telling myself that what I have will not last forever. At some point it will respond to the medications, once they find the correct dosage, and treat the adrenal function and other glands that have been affected by the thyroid surgery.  As Dorothy McIntosh said, the sun may shine on me soon.

5. My Facebook friends need to know how much I appreciate their messages. They have opened a new world for me, and I often go there, where I feel wanted and loved. It is a great help! I am also grateful for the phone calls and messages by friends from all over! I still miss Thelma, and it will be some time before I heal…

Thanks to all who read my posts and respond to them!!!

P.S.  Guido will be 80 on the 9th of November. Rosana and Rafael have managed to be able to come for a few days. (Valeria and Creg came for my birthday). And Jean-Paul will be here for the whole month, before returning to Paris.  This will mean a lot to Guido too!


About martisima

After over 50 years of teaching literature to undergraduate and graduate students, I feel I have earned my retirement (it happened when I was 72, five years ago). I do miss the classroom, however, but not the meetings and all other requirements of the profession. I love teaching, and wish I could still do it. But now I read for pleasure, and watch films, and listen to all kinds of music (no TV, though). I love to travel, and hope I can resume doing it soon. I need to get over my health issues caused by thyroid surgery three years ago!
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