What a week! I am weak (to make it balanced) and terribly tired. Also, very, extremely, frustrated. Yesterday I had to see my new endocriminologist for the second time. We had to go all the way to Baltimore – for what? I had been good, and had faithfully followed his directions for the new thyroid med dosage. When I told him I felt even worse, he went over my records and blood work and said everything looked better. Not perfect but fine. He also had the report of the surgery (finally) and said again that it was a very small carcinoma. So, why did the surgeon remove the whole thyroid? They do it as a “precaution” – read “it is easier”.
As a result, he once again told me to slightly change the dosage and see him in three months, but added that he could not help me much as he didn’t know why I am feeling so sick. One good quality: he is honest! He said the same Dr. P says – that I may have something else that is causing the problem. What else???? Something triggered by the surgery, they claim… I had been well until surgery. Actually, more than well, if possible. Maybe this is caused because I had to stop smoking after surgery? 😉 No matter what, I am not a doctor, but I don’t need to be one to see the flaws in their reasoning. Before now, in all these almost three years, Dr. P, Dr. H, and Dr. S had run all kinds of tests, from the simple to the sophisticated ones – from bacteria to mercury to Lyme disease. Nothing!
What I urgently need now is to find a really good doctor, even if this is an oxymoron. They are mostly morons, not oxy 😉 How do I do that? I simply can’t… If I could travel and see doctors in other countries, I may be able to find a good one. I am so very weak that my muscles seem to be heavy and drag me down. If I can’t even go to have blood drawn (I had to cancel twice), why do some still insist on inviting me out or to their homes????? Please don’t hurt me even more!!! Try to understand. Is it that difficult??? 😦
If some want to help, know that we don’t need food now. My friend Anna Capoccia brings us dinner and desert at least once a week (a wonderful gesture, and great food!) and we don’t need more chocolate. I enjoy buying it on the Internet, and I can find the best. What they can do if they really want to help is to bring us fruit – always organic, something hard to find in just one store. Guido went to Balducci’s today and could not find either organic raspberries or strawberries. Unbelievable! That’s what we eat most. The rest is easy to find, even though some may be shocked because I spent $38.00 for one Dover sole. It was worth it, and we have always closed our eyes where food is concerned. Quality is expensive, and we prefer to spend money on food rather than on other frivolous things. My car is 16 years old. Why change her when she, Tara, has been so faithful? Besides, I’d never be able to find the bumper stickers I have now…
On Sunday we shall be not celebrating our 52nd anniversary. We couldn’t celebrate our 50th, so it doesn’t matter now. Guido at first insisted it was on the 21st. I had to show him our marriage certificate to make him realize I was right. I am dizzy, but not that much… We will celebrate when we are well and can travel and move to San Francisco! Guido will also be well then, and our troubles will be left behind here, as they should be. We are quite alone, and need to correct this soon. Very, very soon!
Finally, For those who constantly “urge” me to go out and take a walk or be in our yard, the cover of this week’s New Yorker gives the answer to why I am not doing it, besides the fact that I am woozy and tired and weak and angry and frustrated. The title tells it all. It is “The Joys of the Outdoors” by Frank Viva:
Guess I am not good at uploading photos… Will try again. Or, if anyone else can do it, please post it here (Rosana?)