Anger and Frustration in an Unfair World

Anger, frustration – that’s what I feel today.  Waking up to find Guido in bed without being able to move can cause that.   He bent to pick up a package and hurt his back, which is always on the verge of a relapse since he had surgery way back.

What this means is that my world is crumbling now, not only because of Guido’s immobility but also because of mine.  He was ready to go to the grocery store – Balducci’s – when they dropped a package from D’Artagnan with quails.  Heavy.  He picked it up the wrong way, without remembering to bend his knees.

Now it will be three days at least for him to recover.  He cannot move at all.   This also means I immediately had to ask for a home delivery from Safeway.  It is not the same, but what can I do?   I also have to wait until tomorrow for that, and there are things I need today.  I cannot drive . I cannot leave him here at home by himself, even if I could find somebody to drive me.  I have nobody to ask for help with this.  Can anybody understand now why I want to be with our daughters in San Francisco???   Every day it seems there is something new, and I am too sick to even get dressed, let alone cook.   I really wish we had never come here, where we cannot walk to any place and depend on cars.  Our two cars are resting comfortably in the garage while we are lying down and wondering how we’ll manage the simplest daily tasks…

Yes, I know.  I need to be strong, but I also need to complain and get angry and scream and tell the world how unfair this is.  I don’t think we deserve it, as we have always tried our best to help others.  My writer friends are the only ones who keep in touch daily and who know how to cheer me up.

All I can do now is go back to bed and try to read and think of something else.  It is no use crying for something that has no solution.  I’ll have to think of ways to make the best of it.  Maybe…

I am not being a drama queen. Really. This is serious. Please try to understand our plight – even if you can’t. I know it is not easy for those who are not going through a rough time to fully realize what this means to us and what we are going through and how I feel!!!


About martisima

After over 50 years of teaching literature to undergraduate and graduate students, I feel I have earned my retirement (it happened when I was 72, five years ago). I do miss the classroom, however, but not the meetings and all other requirements of the profession. I love teaching, and wish I could still do it. But now I read for pleasure, and watch films, and listen to all kinds of music (no TV, though). I love to travel, and hope I can resume doing it soon. I need to get over my health issues caused by thyroid surgery three years ago!
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5 Responses to Anger and Frustration in an Unfair World

  1. monarisk says:

    Oh Martha, I wish I was in VA to help you. Maybe you should go to spend a few months with your daughters, and just close the house, until you feel better, or someone can help you move. Big hugs to you my friend. Mona

  2. Pat Sachs says:

    Sorry for your latest travails. I hadn’t realized that quails were so heavy, since we never got a shipment of these tasty birds. Your frustration is completely understandable and so is your need to vent. Once again–I am here, and I’d be happy to either do your shopping or stay with Guido,etc. You do go on about ‘no one’ being around (for you), but that’s not true. And I did hesitate before writing this reply because, for one reason or another, all my (many) previous offers to help have been rejected.

    Anyway, maybe you and Guido should just call it quits here, gather what strength you have (with help from daughters), and just move to San Francisco.

    Meanwhile, the Avalon’s showing an entertaining Nanni Moretti film, ‘We Have A Pope.’ He both stars and directs. I think that you and Guido would enjoy seeing it when it ‘exits’ as dvd, etc. (Brian Kelly–Guido’s former colleague– and I saw it last week. It was great going with Brian, who’s a lapsed Catholic.) The movie’s premise is interesting: College of Cardinals elects new Pope. Only this is one Pope who doesn’t want to be Papa. Nanni, who plays a worldly shrink, is enlisted to plumb the new Pope’s psyche and perhaps discover the reasons for his Holiness’s reluctance It’s not one of Moretti’s best films, but nonetheless lovely, humorous, and even moving at times. (The film’s ‘Vatican’ was built at Cine Citta’.)

    I send you and Guido sympathetic hugs-always.

    • martisima says:

      True, Pat. You have offered to help a couple of times, but it is not easy. When I need something I never know when I’ll be able to get up. I can’t drive, as you well know. You live quite a way out and it’s not convenient. When I call on a friend to take me somewhere it is at the last minute. I never know when I can do it. Other friends (not many but some) have been “rejected” too for these same reasons. And if someone comes to stay with Guido, how do I go to the store???? Hope you understand…

      And yes – I have already placed ‘We Have A Pope’ in my Netflix queue. I am up to date with films thanks to The New Yorker, the New York Times, Facebook, and so many other venues.

      And another yes – if I could I would call it quits here and go to San Francisco TODAY! Our daughters want us there. In fact, one posted a comment about it today on my Facebook
      Wall. It’s just that Guido is not ready, and it is not easy to convince him. We’ll keep trying.

      • martisima says:

        P.S. The box with the quails was so heavy because I had ordered 12 quails, which I freeze by twos, as we don’t eat much meat, and chickens have no taste. The box was extra heavy because of the ice in the Styrofoam box…

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