Rain and Tears and Light; Health and Food; Doctors and Ignorance…

I had written these thoughts yesterday, but my eyes were so blurry with tears that I could not edit it or post it. They are still clear today (so far) so I hurry to post it now…
First of all, I want to thank all the friends who sent me kind words of support and prayers for my brother’s health.  They also wanted to know more about him and get an update. He is my only and younger brother, by two and a half years. This makes him 75.  He was in intensive care for 24 days. Now he is in what they call “intermediate” care.  I call every day. It is not easy, as I am so far away and sick and not able to travel.  He has been on dialysis for some time and had complications. It is touch and go now. One day he is somewhat better, the next he is worse. It is incredibly frustrating.  That makes me appreciate your messages all the more, as well as the fact that you cared to read and comment about it!

Rosana was able to meet her goal for today’s Solarthon and even went beyond her goal.  She is up in roofs, installing solar panels for folks who cannot afford to pay a huge electricity bill.  Thanks to our friends who helped her reach her goal. She and the families who are being helped are in your debt! As se wrote in Facebook, “Thanks to everyone who contributed to my Solarthon fund! I got to $4,800 (that’s before the matching funds from Adobe contributors) and was the top fundraiser for the THIRD year in a row! I couldn’t have done it without you. We installed solar on 13 houses — I don’t have all the stats except I remember them saying it’s like planting 5,000 trees in terms of carbon offset. Photos to come next weekend.”

As for myself, all I can say is that everyone is baffled. I am getting worse, and also have become hyperthyroid.  How can that be if I have no thyroid? Doctors have been reducing the thyroid medication dosage, and I am now down to 50mcg, but all the tests show elevated thyroid hormone.  So, let’s see what they say.  One, Dr P, suggested that a piece of the thyroid got loose during surgery and is now traveling though my body.  I am not joking.  I asked him what that piece had been doing all these three years since surgery. He had no answer.  Besides, the “endocriminologist” he recommended did an ultrasound during two separate visits, and proclaimed the site totally clean. There was no thyroid residue now, and none before to have been able to dislodge and travel.  Then, every time they lower the dosage we have to wait at least six weeks to see if it has had any effect. I am at the waiting stage now… Maybe a new doctor can help, as the others have given up on me.  We shall see.

We wanted to go to the grocery store today. Guido can’t go on his own any longer, and neither can I. It has been two weeks now and we have not been able to go to Balducci’s, our main grocery store.  A few days ago, one of our guardian angels took it upon himself to go to Trader Joe’s.  He remembered what we wanted in the past and got us exactly what we needed. He doesn’t want to have his name disclosed, so he’ll remain anonymous.  Our thanks to him go public, though, as well as to Anna, who brought us wonderful lentil soup, home made tomato sauce, and an assortment of Italian pastries. In addition to Mercedes’s gazpacho, we were able to eat better for a couple of days!!!

Today I spent all day crying, not because I wanted to be in sync with the weather.  I wonder why so many songs refer to rain outdoors as well as in one’s heart and soul.  Remember Paul Verlaine’s poem?

Il pleure dans mon coeur
Comme il pleut sur la ville ;
Quelle est cette langueur
Qui pénètre mon coeur ?

And then, there is the song in Spanish that I remeber very well:

Llueve sobre el campo,
llueve en la ciudad;
y también en mi alma,
lloviznando está.

But in my case it was precisely because it was so gray that I decided to get up and go to the store. I can’t stand too much light. It hurts my eyes.  At 3:00pm, when I could get up, I made it as far as my sweater, though. And that really hit me hard. It made me go back to bed and continue crying… 😦

The only thing that helps is that Valeria is coming next week and can stay for several days.  I will take advantage of her visit to the most!

Thanks again for all the support you are giving me!!!! I need it…


About martisima

After over 50 years of teaching literature to undergraduate and graduate students, I feel I have earned my retirement (it happened when I was 72, five years ago). I do miss the classroom, however, but not the meetings and all other requirements of the profession. I love teaching, and wish I could still do it. But now I read for pleasure, and watch films, and listen to all kinds of music (no TV, though). I love to travel, and hope I can resume doing it soon. I need to get over my health issues caused by thyroid surgery three years ago!
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4 Responses to Rain and Tears and Light; Health and Food; Doctors and Ignorance…

  1. Leopoldo says:

    Animo Marthisima! Maniana salimos para Houston; mi Mery tiene CLL (dignostico de 2009) y parece que ahora comenzaran a medicarla. A todo esto, durante todo este tiempo, ella estuvo sufriendo “el diagnostico” sin tener ningun sintoma de la enfermedad. Creo que despues de los cuarenta (mas o menos) todos estamos expuestos a la medicina!
    Un abrazo de este cordobes tan critico de todo que hasta tiene miedo de verse al espejo… sino fijate de mi reciente autoretrato en mi Facebook Timeline!

  2. martisima says:

    Gracias, querido Leo!!! Vi tu autorretrato en Facebook, pero creo que sos demasiado duro con vos mismo… Yo sí tengo miedo de verme en el espejo, pero es un miedo Borgiano 😉

    Fijate que mi médico sugirió que me haga un “bone marrow study” por mis síntomas – glóbulos blancos un tanto elevados durante años, fatiga… pero también puede ser por la falta de tiroides. Ya nadie sabe nada!!! No sé qué hacer. Decís después de los cuarenta, y yo digo después de los setenta (en mi caso!)

    ♥ღϠ₡ღ♥♥ LOVE ♥♥ღϠ₡ღ♥ ,

  3. No Thyroid Since 2000 says:

    I’ve been living without a thyroid for 12 years now, am aged 52. I can so relate to your problems. I discovered that 21st century medical science is being ignored by doctors and have finally found one that treats me and my symptoms, not my lab result(s). T2 + T4= converted T3. With no thyroid, you can’t convert the T4 doctors are giving you into the T3 that every individual cell needs. In addition, converted T3 can NOT cross the blood brain barrier. No T3 from the neck up = lack of equilibrium, DETERIORATING eyesight, hearing, tooth enamel, memory, cognition and emotional control. It only takes ten days to change a TSH result, not six weeks. TSH and Free T4 lab results can be in “normal” range when your T3 is too low or nonexistent. If you have any thyroid antibodies, ALL other lab results are inaccurate, including the TSH. IF you are lucky enough to get a doctor to prescribe T3 (Cytomel), please know it lasts only four hours, and that’s only if you don’t eat and are asleep. It does not need to “build up” in your system, you can counter any symptoms of “overdose” simply by eating, and doctors don’t like it because it suppresses your TSH, then they can’t “control” your lab result, which is actually my main point: unless you live with and spend 24/7 with your doctor, only YOU can be your thyroid from the inside out, not them. EVERY “side effect” of Synthroid or it’s generic equivalents is a symptom of INsufficient T3. T3 is not a cure-all, but it will dispense with all of the symptoms you’ve mentioned. A suppressed TSH result means you are suppressing the growth of any potential cancer cells! STOP allowing them to treat you as a lab result with T4 only, because when they treat chimps that have no thyroid with T4 only, based on A lab result, it’s a punishable crime!!! FYI: Armour and other T4/T3 combination medications are MOSTLY T4, and since you have no thyroid, you can’t convert it into the T3 that EVERY individual cell NEEDS. http://www.directlabs.com = order (and pay for) your own tests, the ones YOU want, not the ones a doctor orders. They have a combo test that includes TSH, Free T4, Free T3, TPO and TAA, for less than the cost of a Free T3 test by itself when ordered by my doctor. I know how hard it is to be your own thyroid, but the bottom line is, doctors cannot do it for you with one pill a day, regardless of the dosage of that pill. Do NOT rely on ANY lab’s “normal” ranges either. Here’s the ones determined by testing rigorously screened (healthy) volunteers: TSH .4-2.5, Free T4 .7-1.8, Free T3 2.0-5.0, TPO and TAA (thyroid antibodies) ZERO (UNdetectable). The Family Practice Notebook uses a reference range of 2.3 – 6.19!!! for Free T3 results, probably because more women seek family practitioners’ care and women need more T3 than men. Do educate yourself, and don’t BUY the services of a doctor who practices medicine based on studies of men by men in the 1960’s, because this is 2012!

    • martisima says:

      Thanks so much!!!

      I was taking Cytomel for a long time, but then my T3 skyrocketed, and I was taken off it gradually… It is all so very confusing!

      Where do you live? I keep trying to find a good doctor!!!

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