Really, Truly, Fully, Mainly, Utterly, Annoyingly, Sick………

Ten days have gone by and I realize I have not written anything. That means I am too tired to do it, and also that nothing much has happened, although some things are worth mentioning.

Guido had another birthday on the 9th (no way to stop them from materializing); Mercedes became a grandmother, and so did Norma (two more Scorpios…); Countdown starts now for Valerie and Creg’s trip to Italy in exactly 4 months, 2 weeks,1 day (Fano, Venice, and Tuscany); I called Dr. S’s office last week and got an appointment for March instead of May, but then I called again today and got one for February. If I continue calling every week, I may get one for next week!

I am having my physical on Thursday, finally (if I make it this time). Then, Dr. P may call Johns Hopkins and find someone to see me there soon.

However, I have become tired of doctors and their contradictory diagnoses and medication. I am not the only one.  Here is what someone in my Internet support group wrote:

“Once when an endocrinologist  told me he was giving me the best, medically accepted treatment and advice, I told him this story: ‘300 years ago, doctors bled their patients with cuts and leeches and this was done to ‘cure’ them. Even those doctors knew that it would kill some of their patients. But some of the patients miraculously lived. So the doctors reasoned it was the accepted medical treatment of the time and it must work some of the time. In point of fact, bleeding people with leeches did not work. It made all the patients worse, even though some managed to survive.  I’m going to have to ask you to stop using leeches on me and start using a treatment that results in my health, not numbers you like on that paper.’” A really good one!

I no longer know what to do.  Waiting is making me nervous and angry. And I don’t see any solution soon.  And I am tired of seeing doctors and getting blood drawn and waiting, and hearing them make ridiculous remarks!  Another comment from someone in my group reflects my thoughts on this: “Many doctors use The Old Woman strategy, as I have learned.  They will tell you ‘You aren’t hypo, my dear, you are just getting old’ When they do, tell the doctor ‘I was going to say the same thing about you. You seem to be a little forgetful about what my abilities and life were before I met you.  Maybe you need B12?  Maybe you should get your thyroid checked?’  REMEMBER, he is insulting you to put you under his control. Give him a dose of his own medicine”.  How very true! And how sad…

In addition, as someone else has pointed out, “most doctors want to pull out the Fat Girl Stick right away in the appointment and beat you with it. ‘You just don’t get enough exercise and you have a bad diet. It’s your fault.’ Of course, usually YOU AREN’T getting enough exercise. Probably because every muscle in your body hurts, your legs and back are cramping and you can barely get up in the morning.  But it doesn’t matter because the doctor already hit you with the Fat Girl Stick and most women are TRAINED to feel guilty about their weight. They quickly back down”.  In my case, I did not feel guilty but angry when I gained 15 pounds. Now, for some reason, perhaps because I am not hungry, I have lost that excess weight and am back to my “normal” self – in that aspect only…  I don’t feel normal at all. I have no energy; cannot go out, not even for grocery shopping; I have to depend on Guido for most daily routines and on others for some help.

The couches and armchairs in my living room are still full of the jackets and purses that fell when the bar of the hall closet broke. The floor in the kitchen and in the dining room is littered with cookbooks, pots and pans and miscellanea from when the two shelves fell way back. I have not been able to do much about it.  Guido cannot do it on his own, and he suggested devoting half an hour each day for doing it. I still have to find that “free” half hour. I can write this because I am sitting down, and I don’t have to struggle lifting heavy objects from the floor and deciding where they should go…

I have become very forgetful, and seem to be living in a daze.  Maybe Dr. P is right and I have something in my brain. We’ll see when we get the results of the tests.  But – I am getting tired of tests too. I admire Guido now, as he had to go through something even worse for over four years and seldom complained.  And he is still not well now. He continues going to our osteopath every week, and it really helps him. I wish I could go too, but I still have other things to take care of – my hair will be reaching the floor soon 😉  It gets in my way all the time.  I could not call the person who was going to come and cut it here because I never know when I will be up during the day.

Oh, well, enough complaining.  Basta ya! I should be grateful that we had a gorgeous week and the trees have wonderful colors!  It rained today for the first time in almost two weeks.  Maybe this also accounts for my dreary outlook – or maybe not.  I am really, truly, fully, mainly, utterly, annoyingly, sick………